Crazy thoughts running through all over my head. Tempting little sucide thought now and again. Should I or should I not? The urges are steadily getting stronger again.
Of course I remembered the pain I went through for my last attempt but even that memory isn't THAT strong to keep the urges at bay anymore.
Just for once, I wish to feel totally normal for a day. To have a normal childhood; a normal life.
No one knows what is it like to be me. Hell! I don't even know who I am anymore. I definitely don't recoginise the voice that is receeding in my head now.
I seriously wish that my will power is strong enough such that I can just shut down my body systems and move on to my after life. I would have gladly gone away peacefully and painlessly.
Alas, it wasn't meant to be and so I can only rely on drugs.
Wish I'm devious enough to devise some ways to get my hand on really strong sleeping pills.
That would have been the best gift to someone like me currently.
I don't need just anyone. I just need that one person strong enough to keep me mentally sane and safe from myself.
This is the truth of why I don't do relationship. What they lack is the mental strengh to keep me sane. Simple as that.
.Never.Ending.Rainbow. 11:37 PM
