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Monday, August 31, 2009

Crazy thoughts running through all over my head. Tempting little sucide thought now and again. Should I or should I not? The urges are steadily getting stronger again.
Of course I remembered the pain I went through for my last attempt but even that memory isn't THAT strong to keep the urges at bay anymore.
Just for once, I wish to feel totally normal for a day. To have a normal childhood; a normal life.
No one knows what is it like to be me. Hell! I don't even know who I am anymore. I definitely don't recoginise the voice that is receeding in my head now.
I seriously wish that my will power is strong enough such that I can just shut down my body systems and move on to my after life. I would have gladly gone away peacefully and painlessly.
Alas, it wasn't meant to be and so I can only rely on drugs.
Wish I'm devious enough to devise some ways to get my hand on really strong sleeping pills.
That would have been the best gift to someone like me currently.

I don't need just anyone. I just need that one person strong enough to keep me mentally sane and safe from myself.
This is the truth of why I don't do relationship. What they lack is the mental strengh to keep me sane. Simple as that.

11:37 PM

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Twitter updates at the side bar!
I tweet more than I blog anyway.

Jon Schmidt is freaking talented!

4:03 AM

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Well, because my mom said I look old and I thought to myself.
This is one rare photo of which I at least look at peace with myself if not young.


12:19 AM

Monday, May 18, 2009

While I may understand that you might like to have some witty/quirky humorous short description of yourselves in your facebook/twitter under the "about me" section, is this what it's called?

It irks me and still does that you have to take references from MINE! Be it blatantly quoting words out of my page or took such obvious inspiration from them.
This ruffles me especially since we visit each other's page often.
So if this makes me childish; petty, so be it.
but if you don't have such creative flair with words or just simply couldn't be bothered to use your brain to think of some then jolly well be content with whatever you could come out with.
They are supposed to be your freaking self decription.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm turning too cynical and suspicious of people as of late or
am I just shockingly perceptive even more so now than ever.
Still each relates well to the other does it not? Intertwining in such a way.
Moreover so when none of my preconceived notions had yet to disappoint.
An aptitude proved to be a blessing and a curse all at once.

Now if only I could practice assertiveness, all may be well.
If only...

"People basically suck and all friends will screw you over in the end."

Wheather to save their sorry hide or just for shit and giggles. Why not?
Sick bastard! Thats all we ever are. -WT

(S.Kenyon; Acheron):
"Its easy to look at people and make quick judgments about them, their presents and their pasts, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only a tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often than not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the
foundation of their soul."

From me,
If put in a decisively negative way, it makes one shudder to sleep at all.

8:09 AM

Friday, May 15, 2009

Maybe it's time I start to have longer hair and learn to be more of a lady.
It's quite appalling really, of how little I know to be a female.
I'm may not look like it but I'm as unpolish as they goes.

But I guess only people who live with me will believe this.

Twitter outshine blogging.

1:59 AM

Monday, March 02, 2009

Browsing through some old photographs is quite refreshing to one's mind or so I've discovered.
It makes me realised that I've quite forgotten how I really look like with long hair.
But if you reflect upon that, throughout my whole 20 years of life, I've only had long hair for about a year or so before cutting them all off. This does makes it hard for oneself to remember I guess.
Not to mention past few months ago, I've gone through quite a frenzy of chopping my hair really short. The shortest I ever had in recent eight years.

I'm guessing, I'm paying for thoes implusive behaviour now that I'm of a more stable mind.
I'm predicting that it would take me a better half of the year to have my hair grown to the desired shoulder length. I've only just realised/remembered how wavy my hair could get when its at that length and found myself quite liking it currently.
I've finally understood what Jean meant by liking my hair when it's that long. Though I don't think I fancy them that much back then.
Oh well, people grow and preferences could change.
Don't get me wrong, I still love myself with short hair. Only, I'm quite sick of them now after having it for two years straight.
Really, there are only so many designs you can get out of them.

Mum bought me strawberries. We shall see how hardworking am I tomorrow to result in either stawberries shortcake or stawberries and cream.

2:16 AM

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

"Evil is seductive. It's what makes them so dangerous."
"No," Jared said, his tone dire.
"It's our willingness to believe their lies and to see what we want to see that makes it so dangerous. Even when we know better, we lie to ourselves and that's where the true betrayal is."
Zeth nodded. "As the great poet once wrote, 'To thine own self be true.'"

"Sometimes we let people treat us wrongly because we want to be loved and accepted so badly that we'd do anything for it. It hurts to know that no matter how much you try, how much you want it, they can't love or accept you as you are. Then you hate all that time you wasted trying to please them and wonder what it is about you that is so awful that they can't at least pretend to love you." -Bride; Night play

1:27 AM

Everyone wants
someone they can hold and love.

Someone who will be there
to help pick up the pieces
when everything falls apart.

It is not fair
to show someone the sun
and then to banish them from it.

Even the devil may cry
when he looks around hell
and realizes he is there alone.